


Secrets and Lies

by hab318princess



Category: Lewis (TV), The Sentinel
Genre: Alternate Universe - Sentinels & Guides, M/M, Rough Trade
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-18
Updated: 2015-08-18
Packaged: 2018-04-15 11:10:54
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,736
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4604505
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hab318princess/pseuds/hab318princess
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A still grieving Lewis returns to Oxford after two years away – only to be told to either act as Guide to Hathaway or be demoted to working at the police training academy.  Having been a conservator Guide to Morse in the past,  Lewis gives in – he’s not ready to be put out to pasture despite being too old for Hathaway.  Then their pasts intrude and decisions must get made…</p>
            </blockquote>





	Secrets and Lies

**Author's Note:**

> I’ve mixed up a couple of episodes together… so please forgive me but I did it in plotting and well, I think this works dramatically for me…

Detective Sergeant James Hathaway had volunteered to collect Detective Inspector Robert Lewis from Heathrow Airport. The man had been away for two years on secondment to the British Virgin Islands and will come back into what is now James’s territory. Even Chief Superintendent Innocent hadn’t questioned him beyond an “are you sure?”

“I am. It’s my...” James hadn’t even had to finish the sentence and she’d nodded. He is the only Sentinel on her force and his protective streak runs deep. She wonders how frustrating it must be to not be in charge. It’s one of the reasons, she just says: 

“Just get him back here quickly, DI Knox will not be happy if you swan off all day.” 

James had nodded. DI Knox was never happy with him, despite enjoying the benefits of James’ enhanced senses. “Of course.” That could be because DI Knox is not the guide he’d like to be and won’t get any advancement out of bonding with James. He shudders at the thought. 

“Good, safe journey.” She hands him an envelope containing papers and a key. “Please give this to DI Lewis. Sandra will be able to give you his home address.”

*****

The airport is noisy, even at 7 o’clock in the morning. In the arrivals area, people are hugging and running towards each other. James is holding up a sign labelled ‘Lewis’ courtesy of Sandra. The electronic arrivals board indicates that the flight landed half an hour ago and allowing for baggage collection and passport control, James thinks DI Lewis must be coming through soon. He is proved right when a man in his fifties, dressed in a colourful Hawaiian shirt walks in, pushing a trolley covered in suitcases and a lei of flowers around his neck.

“Oh, you’re here for me?” 

Before James can answer, a stewardess stops DI Lewis and hands him two large bouquets of flowers. The ends are still dripping, so he presumes they must have kept them in water.

“Oh, thank you… I can’t believe I forgot… thank you so much.”

“Yes, Sir. Welcome back. I’m DS James Hathaway.”

“Robbie Lewis, but then you know that, lad.” 

James nods. He has to concentrate on walking as the sweet cloying smell of the flowers overwhelms him. They make their way to the car park, James just concentrating on every step. It is hard, his nose is working overtime. The flowers are powerful but beneath he can smell sweat and a musky note that must be DI Lewis.

He is so distracted that James is almost getting run over by a red Jaguar but DI Lewis pulls him back just in time. The hand on his wrist calms him and suddenly James is centred and back with the world. They apologise to the angry driver who pulls off after swearing at them. 

“Thanks, Sir.” 

“Call me Robbie, it’s not as if I’m your DI, is it?” 

James takes a couple of deep breaths and dials down his smell. Instead he concentrates on sound and sight to prevent this happening again. He doesn’t say anything when he notices that Robbie’s hand is still on his wrist as they carry on walking. James misses the touch when they get to the car and he loads the suitcases into the boot and backseat. 

*****  
The drive is silent as James concentrates on the road. DI Lewis is obviously jetlagged if his yawning is anything to go by.

“Where are you taking me?”

“Your flat. Oh, and DCS Innocent has given me an envelope for you. It’s in the glove compartment.” James remembers now.

“Thanks. And we need to stop at the graveyard first before we go anywhere.”

James nods. “Which one?”

“Wolvercote.” 

“Of course.”

*****  
Robbie yawns again. He’s gotten some sleep on the flight but it hadn’t been enough. Being collected by a DS had been a surprise, that DS being a Sentinel even more. Robbie had sensed it immediately but then the stewardess had come with the flowers for Val and Morse. How could he forget those? 

The letter is a distraction from his morose thoughts. 

“Dear Robbie,

I’m sorry I can’t collect you in person, but as you know, I have retired and the eyes… well, age waits for no man. That doesn’t stop you from coming round for a cuppa… or a pint. If you don’t, I still have friends who will make sure you turn up... in the nicest possible way, of course. 

Your tenants have moved out and the flat is all yours. So, get on with your life. Neither of them would want you to mope and be unhappy. Not that Morse would ever use the word mope. He’d just get you to order the next pint. And Val, well, she’d be upset that you’re not happy. 

I hope to see you again soon. 

With best wishes,

Jim Strange.”

Robbie sighs, it’s all changed, all different. He takes a glance at the man next to him. It still doesn’t make sense why a Sentinel Detective Sergeant would want to collect him. Robbie would have been quite happy to get himself a train ticket back to Oxford. After all, he’s not been there for two years. Jim Strange had understood his need to get away, to run away from the pain.

And now he’s back, feeling like a spare part. Morse and Val are still dead and he’s alone. But it had worked, the pain is not as sharp as it had been. 

Robbie closes his eyes and rests, after all the journey will take a couple of hours.

“We are here, Sir. You should wake up...” 

The hand on Robbie’s wrist is warm and his skin suddenly tingles. Robbie represses the memory, there is no chance that... ever… again.

“Where are we?”

“Oxford, won’t be long until we get to Wolvercote.” James Hathaway explains and Robbie yawns. 

“Shall we stop for a coffee first?” The young man asks but Robbie declines. 

“No, thank you.” Robbie needs to see them. Coffee can wait.

It is sunny and bright as he stands in front of Morse’s grave. His Sentinel, his teacher, his guv’nor for so many years, gone because his heart had given in to too many pints and late night take outs. 

“You daft sod, should have come round for dinner more often, all that muck.” Not that Morse had ever wanted to intrude. “She loved you too, you know? She insisted on me guiding you, I don’t think I ever told you that.”

Robbie lets the memories wash over him. Morse had been as remote as a Sentinel could be from his Guide. He hadn’t wanted to break up Robbie’s marriage and somehow they had made it work for fifteen years. Val had wanted them to be closer but Morse had never allowed it.

“You married her…” That’s all he’d said and Robbie hadn’t disagreed but still. Robbie’s eyes flicker to the other end of the cemetery where he’ll be going next.

“Hi luv.” He stands over Val’s grave, the flowers heavy in his hand. She had been perfect for him, never wavering in her support, especially when he had met a Sentinel who needed him. 

“Of course you bond. It’s not even up for discussion.” There had been a fierce resolution mixed with the tears she was fighting back.

“But…” That had been pretty much all he’d been able to say.

“You tell me he doesn’t want a traditional bond. Nothing sexual. And we’ve survived you spending two years in vice without being tempted. Well, I can live with that. I will not see him suffer because of me. It’s not the biggest hardship to change to a Sentinel friendly shower gel.”

And that had been that. Life had been split into work and solving cases with Morse, offering support and being a Guide. Morse had not asked for much, just touching his arms and sometimes holding him, listening to Robbie’s heartbeat. 

“Thanks luv. I miss you.”

He misses her home cooked pies and how she’d brought up Lyn and Tom while he’d gone out and caught murderers. He might have been the steadying force for Morse, but Val had been the centre of his own world, the sun with Morse as moon. 

“Maudlin, this is what this is.” Robbie grimaces before stepping away. 

*****  
James is an intruder. For some reason he is standing there, in a graveyard between the dead. Grief is pouring off DI Lewis as if his Sentinel Endeavour Morse had been more than a friend, more like a wife. But that can’t be because the emotion feels the same as he puts the second bunch of flowers down. To James it seems as if they had died yesterday and not three years ago according to the tombstone. It makes his own desires feel wrong. 

To distract himself, James pulls out his smartphone and sends a quick e-mail to DCS Innocent. The ping that indicates a reply is noisy in the quiet sunshine. A quick read and he sighs. A case and DI Knox is the officer in charge. That means James has to take Robbie home and then meet Laura Hobson, Medical Examiner at the scene.

*****  
Robbie leaves the graveyard with a slightly lighter heart. At least he can visit them now. Thinking about it, he should phone Lyn, let her know he’s arrived safely. Tom in New Zealand will be asleep. Time zones are a killer as his own yawning is proving. 

“I need to drop you off at the police station, if that’s okay, Sir. I’ve pulled a case.” James explains. “That way you can meet DCS Innocent.”

Robbie yawns once again and agrees. He is not really keen to go back to the empty flat. “I may need that coffee then.”

“Of course.”

The drive in the post rush hour streets is smooth when James suddenly slows the car. Robbie can see a man in a large SUV being breathalysed on the side of the dual carriageway.

“That’s DI Knox, my DI. I must go straight to the scene. I presumed he’d be there.” James offers an explanation before speeding up again. 

“That was an immediate suspension in my day.”

“Worse, sackable offence now.” James points out and Robbie thinks he can hear just a smidgen of glee. So, not the best of friends then?

“Well, why don’t you take me with you?” The words are out of his mouth before he can censor himself. Nice as the British Virgin Islands were (more sunbathing than crime) – he missed this. 

James seems to consider Robbie’s suggestion and then nods. “When do you return to duty officially?”

Robbie grimaces. “Hasn’t been confirmed yet.” It had been difficult enough to deal with time zones and paperwork to end the attachment and that had been without any problems, Robbie had wanted to come back.

“I’ll talk to Innocent if you want. She will understand.” James sounds sure of himself and Robbie doesn’t doubt him. And he hopes Laura Hobson will back him up. She’d worked with him and Morse in the past. 

******  
“Okay, you can have the case until DI Garland returns from her court case. She can take over. But then I want you to think about the training academy… I have enough DIs.” Jean Innocent is not pulling her punches and James can see DI Lewis rock back at the force of her words.

“I did teaching in the Islands. It didn’t suit me.” Robbie points out but there is no softening in her stance. 

“Ma’am, may I have a word, alone?” James has stood silently next to DI Lewis after they had briefed her on the dead body.

“Of course.” 

He waits until the DI has left and the door is closed.

“He is my Guide.” 

The look of surprise is well worth it. “Are you sure? Him?”

James is aware that he has been hiding his need to touch Robert Lewis. 

“Yes. I felt it when I met him.”

“So, why are you are here and not in some hotel room ‘bonding’?” She almost sneers the words. It explains a lot… like being stuck with DI Knox.

“Because he’s not aware yet. Or if he is, he’s not let on.” James admits. “We are all individuals.”

“Yes, yes. Okay, you stay with him on this case.” James hears dismissal in her voice, so he turns to leave as she continues to talk. “And if you bond… just let me know.”

James leaves the office and is surprised to find Robbie outside. “Why are you still here?”

“My suitcases are in your car.” 

Yeah, that makes sense. “Shall I take you home, Sir?”

“Might as well, nothing else we can do tonight until Laura has some results. We can start asking questions tomorrow.”

“I guess you’ll need groceries as well?” James wonders out loud. 

“Pizza and some cereal will do.” 

So that is what they get from the local supermarket not far from where he drops DI Lewis off. They take the cases into the small two bedroom house at the outskirts of Oxford. It is neat and soulless.

“Do you want to come in for coffee… or tea?”

“Not fed up with me yet?” James can’t help asking, hoping at the same time he will not be sent away.

“No… I’d like you to stay.” 

James just nods and steps into the small kitchen. He doesn’t say what he really feels: I want to drink you in, touch you, bond.

Once they sit down, James decides to talk about the elephant in the room, poke the hornets’ nest or wake a sleeping bear, whatever the appropriate expression is. “You are my Guide…”

“I know. I had hoped you’d not notice.” That is a surprise. “I can’t do it. I won’t do it.”

James can guess but he has to ask. “Because you lost them?”

“Yes, and because I’m damaged and old. You need someone better than me.”

“But…”

“No but. I will not bond with you.”

There is nothing James can say, that much is sure. So he does the honourable thing. “I will collect you in the morning. For eight, is that suitable?”

“Make it nine…”

“Of course.” James resists the urge to touch Robbie again. He wants to hold him, comfort him, love him and forsake all others. Instead he leaves and makes his way to his own flat a couple of miles away.

The flat is empty and he curls up in his bed, not caring that he’s still in his suit. 

*****  
To Robbie’s surprise, it is James who collects him at about quarter to nine. He hasn’t been palmed off on a poor Constable. 

“Good morning, Sir. Dr Hobson has requested our presence.”

“Thank you, James. Let’s go.”

They ignore the conversation from the night before and concentrate on trying to solve the case instead. Regan Peverill deserves that much after being found dead in a sleep laboratory.

Laura Hobson confirms that the young woman has been shot and that she was able to retrieve a bullet. 

“I’m guessing it’s a small calibre but I’ve sent it to forensics to confirm.”

“Thanks Laura.”

“If I didn’t say it yesterday, I’m very glad to see you back.”

Robbie just nods. “Thanks again. We better try and figure this out.”

“I miss him too… crotchety guy he was. Did you say she sent something of a Daniel Griffon? That name rings a bell.”

“Son of Rex Griffon, racing driver. Heir to the company once he turns 21.”

Once they are back at the police station, Robbie requests the file of the death of Rex Griffon a decade or so earlier. He gulps when he finds a half completed crossword attached to a photo of Rex Griffon. Morse’s handwriting had always been old fashioned and neat.

“Are you okay?” Hathaway stands close to him, not quite crowding but always within touching distance. It is hard not to follow the impulse. Robbie wants.

“Yes, now do we have anything else on the family?”

“I have an address, we need to see them, Sir.” James holds out a piece of paper.

“I’ve been there before.”

*****  
When they return to the station, James concentrates on the case as they discover the complicated family set up of the Griffons. What he really wants is to touch Robert Lewis’s skin and close the bond. The urge is overwhelming and eventually he makes his way to DCS Innocent’s office. 

“It’s not going away.”

“What do you want me to do?”

“I don’t know.” James hates being so vulnerable. “It’s not as if I can force him to bond with me. But he’s the one.”

“I’ve read his file, did you know that he’d been a guide to DI Morse? Fifteen years?” She sounds astonished. 

James grimaces. It explains a lot. No wonder the man doesn’t want to risk any more pain. But it doesn’t change the facts.

“He’s mine.” 

“Not sure he’d appreciate it if you told him that. Okay, leave it with me.”

James does and makes his way straight back to the open plan office. 

“Where’ve you been lad, we’ve got another body. Daniel Griffin. Suspected suicide.” 

They leave the office quickly, James again trying not to crowd DI Lewis. At the river James is surprised to find that the back of his hand is touching Robbie’s and it’s not taken away. The skin tingles and James feels calmer. Suddenly his senses seem sharper and his heart slows down.

“That’s not a suicide… wrong oars and they are on the wrong side as well.” 

“How do you know?”

“I took part in the boat race for Cambridge, we won.” James admits and surprised to be met by an admiring glance. 

The rest of the day is fruitless. 

“Shall I drive you home, Sir?” 

“I need a pint. Then you can drive me home.” 

To James’s surprise it is pleasant sitting in a quaint pub drinking an orange juice. He’s not risking following DI Knox out of the force. Dialling up his hearing, James sips his drink and listen’s to Robbie’s heartbeat, drowning out the rest of the patrons. 

*****  
Robbie must be mad. He’s let James touch him and it had felt good. Right now, instead of running away, he’s in a pub with the lad, not wanting to part with him just yet. 

“So, Cambridge, eh? How did you end up here in Oxford?” He doesn’t know anything about the Sentinel. He is sure Innocent would have given him a file but it’s not the same. Words on paper don’t tell the whole story.

“It’s the last place they’d look for me.” James laughs wryly. “I studied theology but then had to leave the seminary.”

Oh great... a god botherer. “You came online.”

It is well known that the Catholic church does not allow online Sentinel and Guides to become priests. Demanding a celibate lifestyle is considered cruel for them. 

“Yes, a few weeks before I was due to take my vows.” 

Robbie thinks that must have been tough. 

“I came online during a stint with vice, up north. Val … well, she wanted to get away, so I got a job down here. Hence Oxford.” Robbie decides to reciprocate. 

“I’m glad.”

“Me too, though I’d have loved my old DI to see me now. To quote: you’re too northern to get promoted.” Robbie chuckles. “What do you do when you’re not ferrying DI’s around?” Robbie is aware that they have hardly been apart.

“I play in a band… guitar.”

Not the classical stuff he’d suffered through with Morse then. “Rock?”

“I think you’d classify it as world music…”

Robbie imagines hippies and then shakes himself. This is only temporary, he won’t ever have to listen to it.

“I should be at rehearsal actually.” James admits.

“So, what are you doing here then? Don’t let me stop you. I can get a taxi home.” Robbie tells him, ignoring the fact that it would hurt if James accepted his offer. 

"No, that's okay. We don't have any concerts lined up. By the way, when are you getting your car?"

"Fed up of being a chauffeur already? Well, I can understand that. Saturday." Robbie explains. “I can get a rental if you want.”

“No, I’m fine. It’s only a couple more days.”

“Thanks, so how long have you been in Oxford?”

“A year, just a bit shorter than DCS Innocent. She has been here about eighteen months.”

That Robbie had known. DCS Strange had warned him before the secondment to the British Virgin Islands started. Change was supposed to be as good as a rest. 

“At least Gurpreet is still here. If you ever need help with computers, he’s the man to go to.” Robbie advises.

“I know. He’s been most helpful. DI Knox likes… liked to use him as well.”

They keep talking and by the time Robbie gets home, the ten o’clock news are over. They’d supplemented their drinks with fish and chips from the local chippie. 

“Missing the deep fried Mars bar?”

“That’s even further north. Now, do you want to come in?” Robbie asks.

“No, I’m fine Sir. I will see you tomorrow. Your results should be in.”

Robbie nods and closes the car door behind him. The flat is dark and empty. He might as well get used to that. Other single people experience it all the time. For a moment he rubs the wedding ring on his left hand, the cold metal a reminder of the costs a relationship exacts. 

*****  
Thursday morning leads to a third murder in the Griffon family, this time a close family friend who has an affair with Daniel Griffon’s mother who lives in the same house. 

“Tom Pollock’s death makes three. Really, DI Lewis, could you please solve this case? The press are making noises. Especially as they have figured out that you were involved in the first case.”

“I understand Ma’am.” There is nothing else to say after all to the angry DCS. 

“Good, now get out of here.”

Back at the DI Knox’s old desk, Robbie picks up the old file again. Morse’s clues suddenly make sense. Tom Pollock – Polo – Polonius… Hamlet. 

“Morse thought Trudi Griffon had an affair with her brother in law… but it was Tom Pollock instead. That explains why they had to keep Tom’s daughter away from Daniel.” He shudders. Infidelity is such an ugly thing. 

“So, who killed Daniel?” James asks for clarification and Robbie explains. 

“I have another suspect for that.” 

“Who?”

“It’s all about maths… that tutor, Bernard Beech. He had the time and the motive. As you told me, she’d figured him out.”

“But he’s got his wife at home… who is dying of motor-neurone disease.” 

“Yes, with his reputation that will be lost. One thing too many. And with a clock that wasn’t right as you noticed. ” Robbie can’t quite hold back the pride he feels in the Sentinel. 

*****  
James smells the poison on their suspect, but it is too late, the wife is dead. 

“I couldn’t let her suffer anymore.”

Robbie gags next to him before ordering the accompanying police constable to cuff Mr Beech. “I am arresting you for the murders of Regan Peverill, Daniel Griffon, Tom Pollock and the attempted murder of Mrs Kate Jekyll.”

“But she’s dead.” James can’t help point out. There is no heartbeat or breath coming from the bed upstairs. James wants to beat that man to a pulp and steps forward.

“Stop. We need a doctor to prove that first. And if you beat him up, he’ll get less than he deserves.” 

Robbie’s stedy voice and a hand on his wrist calm him down. James knows that’s the case but he wants to see the man suffer. “He killed four people over his reputation. A family is broken. Lives that won’t get lived.”

“They were already broken. Daniel wasn’t his father’s son, he was Tom’s and they’d have had to tell Tom’s daughter that she couldn’t get courted by Daniel.”

Courted, such an old-fashioned word. James wonders if that’s what he needs to do, court his Guide. Not that he has a clue on how to do that – or that it’s even an option. Last night’s rejection had been incredibly clear.

*****  
“Well done, DI Lewis.”

DCS Innocent’s praise sounds unwillingly given but Robbie will take that. 

“Thank you ma’am. Have you had a thought about me staying, now that DI Knox has left?” Might as well

“Yes… I have read up. And I understand that you are DS Hathaway’s Guide.”

“No, Ma’am. I’m not.”

“That is not what he has told me.”

Next to him Robbie can feel James jerk and automatically puts his hand on the Sentinel’s wrist. He pulls him closer and surrenders himself to the inevitable.

“What do you want, Ma’am?”

“You can stay, but you will agree to be a, what do they call them, Conservator to DS Hathaway. Otherwise, that training placement at the Academy is still open to you.”

“Ma’am, you can’t do that. That’s blackmail.” James sounds disgusted. 

“DI Lewis has been a conservator before, he knows what to do. And you need someone. I have read the reports by DI Knox about your zone outs and even worse, the almost feral attacks when you catch the criminals. That is dangerous in your profession. So, will you accept DI Lewis as your Conservator?”

“What if I don’t?” Hathaway’s question is quietly asked but Robbie knows the answer already.

“Then I’d have to ask you to leave. I cannot risk my force’s reputation …” 

“I’ll do it.” Robbie bursts out before she can even finish her threat. They’ve seen what reputation can cost, nothing is worth that. 

“Thank you, DI Lewis. I let you work out the details. See you both in the office on Monday.”

DCS Innocent dismisses them. 

*****  
James shakes as they step outside the office. Sandra, the secretary, has long gone home. 

“Take me to your flat. We will talk.” Robbie announces and James nods. The other man has experience James lacks right now. They walk silently through the open office, collecting their coats, keys and wallets. 

“So, are you staying, Sir?” Gurpreet turns to DI Lewis as they pass by his workstation where he is analysing information from another case.

“Yes, you can tell the rumour mill that I am staying.” Robbie confirms. 

“That’s good news, Sir. If you don’t mind me saying.” The younger man smiles and turns back to his screen. 

“I don’t. Thanks Gurpreet. And don’t stay too long... it’s the weekend.” Robbie sounds almost cheerful and it jars. 

James concentrates on the road, trying to remember what he has in his fridge and freezer that could make a quick meal. They won’t want to go out. He decides on pasta with a quick sauce from a jar.

The light in the flat is dull but they don’t need to close the curtains just yet.

“Can I offer you something? A drink, food?”

“In a bit. We need to talk, Sentinel.” 

James stands up straighter. Words form and then get discarded. He wants to touch, close the bond but his Guide wants to talk. So James sits down on his couch and is relieved to find that he is joined by Robbie although the gap is larger than he would like. He turns so he can see Robbie’s face and leans against the arm rest with his elbow. 

“What are your conditions, Guide?” James doesn’t want any but senses that won’t be an option.

“No intimacy...!” That is burst out but James had guessed that sex was off the agenda. He hoped it would only be for now. 

“But you can saturate yourself on me through touch and smell.” 

James exhales a breath he’d not remembered holding. Then he breathes in deeply to capture Robbie’s scent. It’s a mixture of sweat and something undefinable that James now craves. He is pleased that there are no scents from shower gels or after shaves mask Robbie’s smell like the flowers at the airport had done. But even then, he’d just known. 

During his police sponsored training there had been a long seminar on accepting conservatory Guides and he can still hear the warnings. ‘Your conservator is temporary. They will help you learn to focus your senses. They will leave. You will hurt but you will move on. And when you find your Guide, it will hurt them.’ 

“Why only a conservator?” James has to ask. Every fibre in him wants more, wants it all. He leans forward to take in the answer. 

“I’m old enough to be your father. And I’m not letting you suffer from a broken heart when I die.” Robbie explains, rubbing the wedding finger on his left hand. “It will hurt… less.”

James is not convinced but what does he know? It’s not as if he has ever lost anyone. He is not sure his family counts in this instance.

“You are not that old.” James has to point that out.

“Lad, how old are you?”

James feels older than he is, but he gives the number anyway: “I’ve just turned thirty… thankfully nobody noticed.”

“Well, they will notice that I’m fifty four and almost eligible for drawing my pension. Innocent was already planning to put me out to pasture. My Lyn turned thirty not long ago herself and is talking grandchildren.” Robbie puts it bluntly and James nods, not really able to say anything sensible. “I will not rob you of finding your Sentinel, of having a family.”

James nods again, this time having an answer. “What if I don’t want a family? It’s not as if they allow priests to have them.” He’d long ago resigned himself to not passing on his genes. 

Robbie seems to take that in and then surprises James by taking off his jacket and opening the buttons on his shirt. There is a smattering of dark hair on his Guide’s chest peppered with silvery streaks.

“Let’s get this over with.”

Not the most ringing endorsement, but James doesn’t really care right now. He follows suit and takes off his own jacket and shirt. 

“Sentinel, I pledge myself to be your temporary Guide, to be your focus and your teacher for as long as it takes.” 

The formal words of a conservator bond sting but he had learned the response: “Guide, I pledge myself to be your Sentinel, to guard and protect you and to learn from you for as long as it takes.”

Before he can stop himself, James leans forward and puts his ear against the rough chest. His Guide’s heartbeat is fast and James takes a deep breath. The smell is intoxicating and he lets his hands roam over the shoulders. The shirt is in the way, so he pushes it back further. Robbie’s pulse is visible on his neck. Impulsively, James licks it, tasting Robbie for the first time. 

*****  
James’s tongue is rough against Robbie’s pulse and for a moment he wonders what kissing them would feel like. That is followed by a deep sense of betrayal. Hasn’t it only been three days since he’d stood before their graves? 

That doesn’t stop his dick reacting or his libido kicking back in after three years of a dreamless sleep. Almost reflexively his arms pull around his Sentinel’s back and feels the strength in the muscles. Robbie holds James close, feeling the warmth against his chest, lips against his neck.

Suddenly James moves and straddles him, hard erections meeting only separated by their trousers. 

“No…” Robbie wants to pull away but his Guide’s body holds him down. 

“I am sorry…” James gets up like a shot but still holds on to Robbie’s shoulders, not relinquishing the touch entirely.

“Just not yet…” Robbie is surprised at his own words. “Come, sit with me again.”

“I’ll make that drink now.” James steps away and Robbie is alone. He misses the touch already. James comes back, holding two steaming mugs. Putting them on the table, he re-joins Robbie on the sofa. Their hands touch and Robbie wraps his fingers around James’s hand.

“I’m sorry too.” The words escape Robbie. He is, wishing the young man was spared all this.

“Nobody said it would be easy.” James grimaces and then draws close again.

Robbie pulls him even closer and whispers “Sit down as before.”

James obeys with alacrity and he holds him tight. Robbie’s erection has vanished but just holding his Sentinel... his temporary Sentinel soothes him. He drinks in the smell and feels the soft skin and taut muscles of James’ back. 

“This is good.” Robbie admits.

“Thank you, Guide.” James is very formal and Robbie accepts that. He ignores James’s hard cock and concentrates on that bond their minds are forming. Robbie is overly aware that James is tense and he wants him to relax. Feel safe.

“I’ve got you, Sentinel.” Robbie bestows a little kiss on James’s cheek and leans back into the back of the sofa. “I’ve got you.”

******  
Routine takes over their lives. As much routine as a Detective Inspector and Detective Sergeant can have when cases come in at all times of the day. James learns that his DI works idiosyncratically and that he likes that. Even DCS Innocent is getting used to it although it takes her longer.

They go to work, James deals with the paperwork and technology. His Guide teaches him by solving cases and thinking outside the box. The evenings are usually spent first in a pub and then at one of their homes. Here James can let his senses drink in, sitting on his Guide’s lap before either going home or letting Robbie leave. He’s learned to deal with his erections on his own. He doesn’t know if Robbie does the same, but somehow doubts it. The shadows of Val and Morse loom large. They have kept themselves away from others, allowing James to feel safe. 

“How are you, James? It’s ages since I saw you? We’re missing you at rehearsals.” Fiona corners him in the staff room one day at lunch. She stands a yard away from him but he can still smell her arousal. 

“Yeah, it’s been busy. I’ve been to Berlin. I found my Guide.”

Before meeting Robbie, James had considered asking the blonde DS out. But then she’d joined the band and he found out she’s a Sentinel like him… and it had never happened. Instead they’d become friends over the odd cup of coffee in the staff room. Even though she would like to be more and he’s sorry he won’t ever be able to give her that. 

“Oh, I knew that one. Do you have time for a coffee? We’re rehearsing tonight.”

“I’ll come to that. We can have the coffee after.” James decides. He needs a distraction. 

“Sounds great. I’ll meet you at the Fox tonight.” 

James nods and takes two mugs of coffee back with him to the office he and Robbie now share. It is better than being in an open plan area with lots of smells and noises that just distract him.

“I’m going out tonight. The old band is meeting… rehearsals.” James announces as he puts down the hot drinks. 

“Of course, it’s not as if I’m your gaoler.” Robbie seems distracted and James takes it. “Any progress on the results?”

“Yes… they are related. Father and son.”

“Good, we’ll question the mother again.” Lewis gets up.

By the end of the day, the case is closed, another murder solved, another family torn apart.

“I’ve got to go, Sir. The band’s waiting.” At half past six, James gets ups. 

“Of course, see you tomorrow.”

James is dismissed. He drives home and picks up his guitar. The rehearsal takes place in the garage of a pub near the river Thames. The Fox and Hound is also one of the places that lets them play.

The music soothes him as they fall into familiar rhythms. He is welcomed back like the prodigal son and the warmth envelops him.

After a couple of hours, Fiona and James leave to have a drink in the pub. “Not drinking?” Fiona is surprised at his order of orange juice.

“I usually drive… and got to get home. Don’t really want to do a Knox, do I?”

“Is that what we call it now?” Fiona laughs. “Now, tell me about your Guide.”

And James does, words tumbling out. “He’s still grieving, wearing his wife’s wedding ring. It’s all platonic.”

“Oh wow. Just be glad I’m not part of the rumour mill. That would keep the meetings round the water coolers occupied for years.” Fiona laughs but it’s all a bit fake.

“Innocent almost forced him to bond, did you know that?” James asks. “If she hadn’t done that maybe Robbie would be more than a conservator now.”

“Hey, it’s more than I’ve got.” Fiona admonishes him. “I’ve got nobody to share this with.”

“Not sure this is sharing… as they told us, having a conservator hurts.”

“Hey, it can’t be that bad.” 

“It is, when you know he is your guide and not just some stop gap.” James admits finally. 

“Oh…” 

“Yes.”

“Man, I don’t envy you.” Fiona takes a deep drink out of her pint. “Oh, have you heard, I’m going to London. The Met have asked for me. I’ll be working for a DI Lestrade…”

James doesn’t have the heart that he’d been approached by them as well. He’d talked to Robbie but the decision to stay in Oxford had been an easy one for both of them.

“Sounds exciting.” That’s not a lie. It had been tempting, after all Lestrade works with Sherlock Holmes and meeting him would be an adventure. Apparently.

“I can’t wait… Innocent has requested I honour the three months’ notice, so I’ll still be around a few more weeks. I’ll tell the band next week.”

They hug and for a moment James is aware that she is so much softer than the hard plane he leans against almost every night.

*****  
Robbie kneels before Val’s grave. It’s her birthday and he’d almost forgotten. The flowers are from a garage forecourt and not the usual florist.

“Can’t believe I almost missed your birthday, pet.” He puts the flowers down, discarding the ones he’d taken a few months ago. “It feels like we’re courting again… me sneaking out on my parents. Not that James is a parent, but you know what I mean.”

There is no response, only a few birds calling each other in the trees. Robbie keeps on talking. 

“I miss you… and the silent one. Endeavour… what were his parents thinking? Lyn and Tom are thanking us, I think. I never told you, he bequeathed all his worldly goods to a foundation to support young musicians. The Endeavour award… considering he never let us use that name. Only ever Morse. Last one was won by a girl involved in a case, so proud of her.”

Lewis thinks.

“James is different, you know. Clever… and so beaut… young. Did you know he’s just a few months older than our Lyn? And so stupid too… he’s not looking for another Guide. I’m too old for him.” 

If Robbie repeats this often enough, he might make himself not regret that. 

“I’m slow and he’s fast. I’m a plodder and he’s like a gazelle.” 

Suddenly it dawns on Robbie that he’s talking about James non-stop. This visit isn’t about that. He changes tack. 

“And I’m sorry they’ve given up in London trying to find the guy who did this to you. I had another letter from DI Lestrade you know. He writes one every year on your birthday. Says he’s had a ‘Consulting Detective’ have a look at it. What is a consulting detective anyway.”

*****  
James checks out of the hotel. The night with Fiona had turned into an alcohol soaked one once he’d admitted his impossible feelings for his Guide. They’d shared a twin room (cheaper) and she’s left a few minutes ago. His head still aches as he uses the stairs to make is way to reception. 

“Mr Monkfort, you’ve forgotten your…” the receptionist tries to get the other guest’s attention but he walks out quickly past James. His senses tingle but he can’t put a name to it. His head aches from the oblivion he’d drunk himself into and he ignores it, instead concentrating on standing straight. 

“I’d like to check out. Room 301 and please can you order me a taxi?”

“Where is your car, Mr Hathaway?”

James has think for a moment. “In that 24 hour car park.”

She winces and James remember why. It’s a pretty expensive place but he’s not planning to do a Knox as it’s become known at the station – or at least by James. Considering the churning in his stomach, driving is certainly not an option. 

His phone rings and he answers it, “Yes, Sir. No, I’m at the Green Square hotel. Didn’t want to…”

“Do a Knox. Good thinking. Innocent’s called me. We’ve pulled a case.” 

James tries not to feel hurt at the lack of jealousy after not seeing his Guide. His own is flaring. He knows what day it is even if he’s pretending he doesn’t. “Can you collect me?”

******  
They stop at a one of these coffee chains and James orders himself a latte with two extra shots. The milk tempers the sharp taste of the espresso and the caffeine will help him to cope. Adding a couple of paracetamol and a bacon roll, James is good to go.

Turns out the murder is straight forward, it is the male partner, living up to the dangerous cliché. He confesses almost immediately in shame. 

James then picks up a call about the Green Square Hotel. 

“Attempted fraud. A Simon Monkfort claimed for statues in suitcases…” 

“Why is that our case?” Lewis looks perplexed.

“Because I was there… and Jenni, the receptionist, actually asked him about the suitcases.” James explains.

“So, from attempted fraud to actual fraud? What do we know about the man?” Lewis asks, all professional.

“Not a lot yet, I’ve got Gurpreet on the case.” Staring at a screen would not help him right now. He reaches for his Guide’s wrist. “I’ve got a hangover.”

“And you need to ground…” Robbie doesn’t even finish the sentence before he closes the door to their office and pulls down the blinds. He unbuttons his shirt and sits down on his desk. 

“Yes.”

James manages to sit in such a way that he can hear Robbie’s heart beat a slow rhythm. It soothes him like nothing else. Taking a deep breath, he coughs. Flowers, Robbie has held flowers, tightly to him. 

“Flowers…”

“Oh yeah… I went to Val’s grave, it’s her birthday.” Robbie explains and James ignores the stab of pain that pushes through him. 

“I’m sorry that happened.”

“He just left her there on the pavement and drove off… a week before Christmas.” Robbie’s head drops and James steps back into his reach. “I still get a letter from the DS, now a DI every year on her birthday. It came yesterday.”

It might explain why Robbie hadn’t insisted on him coming to his home last night. 

“I’m sorry.” Sorry you still miss her. Sorry I’ll never be her. There’s nothing else he can say.

James concentrates on the heartbeat again, this time it’s faster. “I’m here.” He whispers the words and hopes it’s enough.

*****  
Robbie hurts but to his surprise, James’ last words help. He’s not alone. Val wouldn’t want him to be alone.

“Thanks.” The word escapes Robbie’s mouth before he can stop himself. “I want to kill him… after she died, there was nothing left. My family scattered, my work was gone.”

Robbie’s amazed that James doesn’t run away but holds him tighter.

Taking a deep breath, Robbie calms himself. Thankfully James is quiet and doesn’t respond to his outburst.

“Oh, sorry.” The door opens and Laura stares at them. “I’ll come back later.”

“No, wait.” Robbie fastens the buttons on his shirt and in the corner, James does the same. “You wanted us for something?”

“Yes… I don’t think your boyfriend did it. Not in the way he said he killed her.” Laura explains, waving a piece of paper at them. 

“What, how?” James sounds confused. “Peter Roberts sat there, telling me he’d done it.”

“He may have, but if he told you he strangled her…”

“That’s his story.” James confirms, looking his usual cool self again and Robbie envies him for that. He is sure his own looks aren’t anywhere near as neat.

“James, you investigate Rebecca’s background again, try and find other suspect. I’ll talk to Peter again.” Despite everything, Robbie needs some time away from James, otherwise he’d do something stupid. 

“Of course, Sir.”

******  
James takes a deep breath when he is alone. Laura has left with Robbie and it gives him a moment to compose himself. Of course, Val Lewis’s birthday… he had remembered and anticipated it would affect his Guide. 

“Christmas is going to be fun…” he whispers to himself.

The door opens and Fiona walks in. “Sorry, I listened.”

James is torn between feeling invaded and grateful that she’s done that so he doesn’t have to deal with this by himself.

“Not sure if I should say thanks… or feel…”

“We are both Sentinels, don’t tell me you’ve never dialled up your hearing when thrown out of a room.” She laughs. “You know better than that.”

“True. Well, then at least I don’t have to talk.” James grimaces wryly. “Do you have some time to help? I’ve got this other case and the guy gave me the creeps when I met him.”

“Yeah, I’m fine. Which one do you want me to do? Gardner has got another DS she’s started training, I’m a bit surplus to requirements.” Fiona admits. “Just why would Innocent want me around?”

“I don’t know, but right now I’m happy you’re here. By the way, how is your head?”

“Not as bad as yours, by the sounds of it. Did you have lunch?” She asks just after James’s stomach rumbles loudly.

“No.” The realisation stuns James. He’d not even noticed and it’s unlike Robbie not to send him out to get one. James has actually started preparing sandwiches but after a night at a hotel, that one didn’t happen.

“Let’s go. Gurpreet, can you start a search on Rebecca Ferguson? The victim from this morning?”

“Of course, and I’ve got your file on Simon Monkton as well. Did you know he has a Met file as well? I’ve sent you the link.” Gurpreet is all cheerful and James can’t do much more than nod “thank you.” 

He takes the file and goes back into the empty office, ignoring Fiona’s exasperated look. If he’s lucky, she’ll turn up with a sandwich in a bit. If not, an empty stomach has never bothered him before. Fasting taught him that even though it’s been a few years.

Suddenly a date springs out at him…. 19 December… London… blue car… stopped for damage in the hood which he’d explained away with driving into a bollard. A bollard… and they’d believed him. Arrested him for another attempted fraud and jailed him…

He picks up the phone and asks the switchboard to put him through to a DI Lestrade at the London Metropolitan Police. 

“DI Lestrade…”

“Yes... good afternoon. My name is DS James Hathaway, Oxford CID. I’m calling regarding a case from five years ago. Val Lewis… wife of my Gui… DI Robert Lewis.”

“I remember. You’ve got a development?” There is surprised in the voice. “I had my best man on that.”

“I’ve got him here, in custody for another fraudulent attempt. And who the hell accepted: I hit a bollard?”

“I’ll have a word. Anderson, you need to double check your findings. Yes, a case we ballsed up. DI from Oxford. And no, this time it’s not Sherlock’s fault.”

“I’m going to talk to him…” James threatens. 

“Not Anderson… he’s in enough trouble as is.” DI Lestrade sounds angry. 

“No, Simon Monkfort…” James shivers in anger. 

“Get your DCS to contact mine, if you need more.” DI Lestrade offers and James agrees that he will do so. 

They end the call and James makes his way to DCS Innocent’s office. Sandra smiles at him and ushers him in without making him wait.

“James, what can I do for you?” The smile doesn’t meet her eyes.

“I’ve got to talk to you. Do you know what date it is?”

“Why? Have I missed something?”

“It’s Val’s birthday. And I think I’ve found the drink driver who killed her.” James grips the back of the chair as he stands before her desk. She hadn’t given him permission to sit. 

“Can you prove it?” DCS Innocent stands up and paces.

“I think so, but I want the bastard to confess.” James admits. 

“Best way. I’ll come with you. Does Robbie know?”

“No… I want to be sure. He’s heartbroken as it is.” James’s voice is low and he hates the look of pity in her eyes.

“He still hasn’t accepted the full bond?”

“No, he is still ‘conserving’ me. I could ease his pain, but he won’t let me close.” James admits. Not close enough anyway.

“Do you want me to find you a better guide? You know DCS Norrell from the Met would love to help. Said there’s always a place there for you.” DCS Innocent offers and for a moment it is appealing. 

“No, thank you. Can we see Simon Monkfort now? You may need to do the asking, I’m not sure how calm I can stay.”

She nods. “Show me the file.”

******  
It is almost too easy. Simon Monkfort folds like a deck of cards when confronted with the evidence.

“I’m sorry. But I couldn’t stay. I’ve been feeling guilty for the last five years.” There are tears in his eyes but James doesn’t believe them for a second. 

“And my Guide has been grieving.” James stands up straight and looms over the cowering coward. “You don’t… get to feel anything. She deserved better.”

“James, wait outside. I will get Mr Monkfort to sign the confession and then refer this to the CPS. Talk to Robbie.”

James confirms that he will. In the large office, he speaks to Gurpreet: “Do you know where DI Lewis is?”

“How can you not know? His Sentinel? Shouldn’t you know…” Gurpreet laughs, it’s a standing joke. His laughter fades when he sees James’s face. “He called in, has gone home, I couldn’t give him any information on the case.”

The decision is an easy one. James stops at a fish and chips shop, orders their favourites and then drives out to Robbie’s flat. Whilst he waits to be served, he texts Fiona to apologise for running out on her.

Using his key, James lets himself into the flat. The hallway is dark but he can see a sliver of light coming from the living room.

“What are you doing here?” Robbie’s greeting is hostile and James’s heart hurts.

“We need to talk. I have news. And you need to eat.” With that pronouncement, James deposits the paper bags on the table and walks to the kitchen where he collects plates, cutlery and a couple of glasses of water.

“I’ve spoken to Gurpreet, there are no news.”

“Not about that.” James sits down on the sofa and opens the papers, depositing chips and fishes on plates.

“Simon Monkfort is the drunk driver.” James bursts out. “He killed your Val.”

Focussing on Robbie, James notices that his Guide’s breathing hitches and tears fill his eyes. 

“Are you sure? Are you really sure? How did you find out?”

“I am sure. DCS Innocent has a written confession. I read his file. They booked him the same day, for fraud. Didn’t make the connection between the damage to his car and the accident. Some idiot accepted a story of driving into bollards. Too keen on fraud conviction.”

“I want to see him!” Robbie leaps out of his chair. “I want to kill the bastard.”

James stands up himself and steps to hold his Guide. “I know. But if I let you go now, he’d be in the morgue – yes, I know he deserves to be there – but then I’d have to arrest you. I’m not sure Val would want that.” 

“How do you know, what Val wanted? She didn’t have a chance to meet you. To meet Lyn’s new baby.”

James reels. Lyn pregnant. His guide a grandfather. The age gap feels more acute than ever. But James pushes that thought aside. He can’t give up on the bond, not now, not ever.

“You can see him tomorrow. Tonight you eat, you drink and you tell me about her… them.” James offers and heads to the kitchen where he knows there is a stash of Newcastle Brown Ale. 

“You’re right. I hate it when you’re right.” 

When James returns to the living room, Robbie sits deflated on the sofa, picking on his chips. 

“Not that you acknowledge that often. I’m honoured.” James hands over the beer and sits down next to his Guide.

“Tell me, what did you do for her birthdays?”

******  
Robbie’s head is hurting. He is lying in his bed and there is someone breathing. For a moment he wonders why Morse is in bed with him, when he remembers. It can’t be Morse, or Val. Robbie tries to turn his head and manages, even though the world is spinning.

“What?” Robbie’s voice croaks out.

“Good morning.” James’s voice greets him, speaking softly. “You drank last night, so I put you to bed.”

Robbie can’t remember. But James is in his bed and he wants to reach for him. 

“But…”

“Why am I here?” Again, softly asked. “I needed to look after you in case you threw up… and your sofa is too short.”

That makes sense, James’ lanky frame wouldn’t fit. 

“I’ll make a coffee.”

This feels all wrong, shouldn’t it be Robbie looking after James? Instead he just says, “Thank you.”

The hot shower revives Robbie and he reaches for the Sentinel friendly shower gel. It soaps up but doesn’t smell of anything. He’s got no clue how they did that, but Robbie actually likes it. He’d hated that fashion of the 90’s where it was expected of men to smell of something other than what they really did. He’d felt sorry for Morse and any other Sentinel at the time. 

To Robbie’s dismay, his dick is hard and wants attention. Even if nothing happened with James (and he’s sure it hasn’t)… his body craves his Sentinel. His body’s betrayal is hard to take, wanting but his mind misses Val and Morse. Robbie turns the water as cold as possible and shivers until his erection is taken care of.

He dresses quickly in one of his suits and puts a tie on. With his armour firmly in place, Robbie, joins James in the kitchen. 

“Thank you.” He takes the cup of coffee and takes a deep drink. The bitterness wakes him up and he follows it with the two aspirin he is handed by James. 

“Thanks, lad.” He repeats himself.

“I’ve spoken to DCS Innocent. She can have Monkfort transported to court and jail before we get back to the station.”

Robbie thinks about that. “No… I need to see him.”

This is a monster he can face. Morse died from a heart attack, alone, in a college courtyard – caused by too much beer and one too many takeaways. Nothing they could have done, but Val, that had been senseless. 

“No, I want to see him. I have to.”

******  
James drives. Robbie is silent as the approach the station. Before leaving, James had called DCS Innocent and informed her of the plans. She greets them at the steps up to the entrance.

“Robbie, are you sure?” This is the first time that James has seen DCS Innocent caring for either of them.

“Yes… I have to.”

“Okay, and then you and James have the rest of the day off. DI Gardner and DS Summers have taken the Rebecca Ferguson case.”

Robbie should feel upset about it but he knows that he’s no good to anyone in his condition and it’s going to get worse. “Thank you, Ma’am.”

“I’ve put him interrogation room three.”

They walk silently through the corridors and down the stairs. 

James steps in front of him and Robbie acquiesces. A barrier might be good.

“What do you want now, DS Hathaway?” Simon Monkfort sounds peeved. “Why am I still here? I’ve told you everything.”

“I want you to meet someone. This is my Guide, Detective Inspector Lewis. You killed his wife on that day.”

It’s almost comical when Simon Monkfort falls back into his chair and puts his hands up as if surrendering. “I am sorry. So sorry. I didn’t mean to do it.”

Robbie just stares at him. This is not a monster, this is a pathetic worm who hasn’t admitted to killing a woman until he’d been caught out. By James and not this famous consulting detective everyone is talking about. 

Without saying a word, Robbie turns and walks along the dark corridors back to the stairs. He hears a door lock and James speak to the police officer standing guard outside.

“Where do you want to go, Sir?” James asks and for Robbie there is only one answer.

“The cemetary…”

“Of course, it would be.” James replies and Robbie thinks he’s missing something. 

*****  
Things don’t change a lot, despite James’s hope, the ghosts of Robbie’s past still haunting their lives. The only change is that occasionally James stays over now ever so often when their grounding sessions draw longer and longer. He gets to sleep in the same bed as his Guide, and cherishes the rest that brings.

Fiona leaves for London the day of James’s 31st birthday. It means he doesn’t spend the day with Robbie but helps her move.

“Shouldn’t you be out celebrating?” Fiona asks when he arrives in the morning.

“Celebrate what? Another year older? That I’ve waited almost a year for my Guide to see sense which he never will?” James is amazed at how pained he sounds as he packs one of her boxed into the hired van.

“Shouldn’t you get out then?” It’s a sensible question James has asked himself often enough. Then he wakes up next to Robbie and for a moment there is peace. The idea of never experiencing that again… it doesn’t bear thinking about.

“Would be sensible, but since when is love sensible? If I was, I’d have long gone.” James admits. “I could have gone to…” He interrupts himself, doesn’t want to hurt his friend.

“Go to London… of course I knew.” Fiona grimaces for a second but then puts a smile back on. 

“How did you know?”

“You don’t lie that well. And if you weren’t in love with your Guide, I’d have picked you up for a few nights of fun. I pay attention, makes me a great DS.” Fiona makes light of it and James lets her. “Oh, I’ve got a present for you.”

She hands him a small parcel and a card.

“Happy Birthday, Jim.” 

“Never… never ever call me that!” James shudders and concentrates on the small parcel instead. It holds a gift voucher for an online book store and a chocolate cake.

“I hope we can have that with a coffee in London this afternoon.” She smiles and this time it’s genuine. 

“Sounds like a plan.” James puts the card in his bag and goes back to packing the van he’s hired for the day. 

****** 

The next morning James is back at work. Robbie hasn’t commented on his birthday and their conversation over the latest body is cursory despite it being a ten year old boy. Even Laura makes a comment on it:

“How can you stand him when he’s like that?”

“Suffering and endurance, the bedrock of a happy marriage.” James quips bitterly.

“Where did you learn that?”

“My family….” James admits before concentrating on the case. The boy deserves it.

*****  
“Where’s James?” Laura asks Robbie a few months later.

“In court, the case with the boy.” 

“Why aren’t you there?” Laura’s question is fair.

“James solved it, I wasn’t really needed. He has all the details.” Robbie explains. “CPS thought a Sentinel would make more of an impact on the witness stand.”

“Hey, you are as needed as he is.” Laura disagrees.

“Well, not this time.”

“Don’t write yourself off.” Laura exhorts. “I’m sure he needs you.”

“That is rubbish. I’m too old for him. Why doesn’t he find himself a real Guide?”

“What if you’re his ‘real’ Guide?” Laura has heard the rumours. 

“Don’t talk rubbish… I’d be on the junk heap already if he’d not asked for me. Innocent was quite happy to cart me off to the training academy.” Robbie is bitter. “And if he ever finds his Guide, that’s where I’ll end up.”

“Oh, Robbie.” Laura gives him a quick hug. “I love you.”

******  
James walks down the steps outside the court building, feeling drained. Memories from the past are churning through his mind and realisations are falling into place.

“There you are lad, how did it go?” Robbie is outside waiting for him and James has to hold himself back from reaching out and making his Guide hold him. He just shakes his head.

“Not good, sorry.”

“No, it went well, I’m pretty sure there is no doubt in the juror’s minds.” James explains. “Can we find a private space?”

“Sorry, lad, we’ve got a case. DCS Innocent just called, Laura’s at the scene.” Robbie’s explanation is wearying but James at least manages some contact with Robbie’s wrist which settles him a bit.

“Where is it?” 

“St Mark’s church… in front of the altar. I’ll need your knowledge.” Robbie admits.

James understands what he means. Faith is not something they share. “Of course.”

“Are you okay, lad?”

James lies. “Of course. It was a tough morning. I’ll be fine.”

“Good. I’m sorry you had to relive that.” Robbie’s words soothe James a bit. 

The feeling doesn’t last long. Robbie drives and James has no excuse to keep him close. The murder scene is one of the more gruesome ones and James has to dial down his smell. Blood is splattered over the altar.

“James, talk to the priest. I’m with Laura.” 

James nods, grateful to escape the macabre scene. Father Desmond King is shaken but helpful. “Will, Will McEwan, that’s who it was. Came in a few times. Confession, you know?”

“Yes, I do.” James is shocked. The name rings a bell and from what he’s seen, he should know the man. “Where does he live?”

“Crevecoeur.”

James falls to the floor, overwhelmed as his past collides with his present. The metallic smell of his friend’s blood, the splattered brain matter, a roaring in his ears all combine to make James lose connection. He wants to go out there and kill the murderer but his legs buckle on him and he can’t move, can’t go after him. Just like last time...

“James, come back, James, you are here, with me.” The first thing James notices is that he’s sitting up and leaning against a naked chest. Robbie’s heart is beating a storm as his Guide cradles him. “James, open your eyes, let me see you. I’m here. You’re safe. I’ll keep you safe.” 

“I think he’s coming round.” A female voice, Laura he think. “Has he zoned on you before?”

“No, not really. James, can you stand? We’ll get you out of here.” Robbie asks and James shakes his head. 

If he opens his eyes, he’ll see Will again, dead. “Can’t see him. Friend.”

“Laura, can you cover up Will so we don’t destroy any evidence?” 

“Give me a bit of time. Shouldn’t be a problem though.” Laura’s reassurance is quickly given. He hears her rustle and James imagines a tent but all he wants is to rest against his Guide. He’s scared to breathe in case the smell of blood pushes him over the edge again.

“Perfect, thank you Laura.” His Guide’s voice is gentle. “How are you James?”

“Friend, past... hurts.” James stammers. It’s a jumble. 

“I’m here. Don’t worry, we’ll get you through this. Laura is calling for some backup.”

“Don’t give case... to Gardner. Want...”

“You want us to solve this. Of course. I’ll make sure. Now, just lie here and listen to me. It’ll hurt, death does that. But we’ll find whoever did this. And your past, well, I’m old enough to say that there’s not a lot that shocks me.”

James shakes his head. 

“Stay calm, listen to me. Listen to my heart.” Robbie’s hand strokes his head, pressing James’s ear and face against the hairy chest. His Guide had offered to shave for him but the hair had never bothered James. It’s soft enough, even now when its black is peppered with silver. 

“He’s covered, if you want to go outside. There’s a bench at the entrance.” Laura softly intones and this time James feels up to moving.

“I’ll get up first, then you follow. Keep your eyes closed, I’ll lead you.” Robbie’s suggestion is a good one and James nods. He feels bereft when the supportive chest leaves him and he can hear rustling as Robbie closes his shirt.

“Stand up for me. I’ve got you. You’re safe.” Robbie repeats himself and James follows the voice. Strong hands hold him tight as they step out through a side entrance and don’t go past the body again. 

Once outside, James takes a deep breath of fresh air. The flowers are almost overwhelming but Robbie’s strong hand holds him in place. 

“Stay here. Can I leave you? I need to...”

It’s a case, of course Robbie has to leave. James knows that but it doesn’t stop it hurting. And what is Will doing here? He’d been gone for years. 

“He’s your friend, you can tell me about him later, I want to make sure we don’t lose any evidence. You sit here. Remember him alive.”

James has no choice in that matter. Will’s parents will be destroyed. Their only child is dead. And James will never be able to apologise to Will now. The row had been epic and hurtful. 

“What do you know? I wish I was a Sentinel! Nobody would bat a bloody eyelid if you turned to a man. My family will disown me.” 

“Why would I want a man? I’m not gay. It’s wrong.” James had been in full denial then. 

“I’m not wrong. Feardocha is not wrong.” Will had denied James’s assertion. “God made us this way.”

“No, it’s not. A Sentinel can’t choose it, you can.” Oh, James had been so indoctrinated then. Father Michael at the Seminary had been preaching over and over about it. And he’d believed it.

A decade later and so many things have changed. James has grown up and changed. He’s found love and heartbreak… with a man. And he doesn’t care what Father Michael would make of it. 

“I’m back, lo… lad. It’s all under control. Gurpreet is checking in on family and nearest and dearest.”

“I need to go… his parents, they love… loved him so much.” James can’t believe Will is gone.

“It looks like a suicide.” Robbie’s words rock James and he is glad he is sitting down.

“No, he would never do that. And definitely not in a church.” That much James is sure of. “Will and I were in Seminary, together.”

“Okay, let’s assume then someone did it. Laura will confirm. Come on, lad.” Robbie holds him and James concentrates on his Guide. 

James makes himself get up. Robbie’s arms are safe and James regulates his breathing. In and out, in an out, the same as Robbie. The rhythm calms him and now James can face it. Will’s parents deserve to hear the horrible news from him. 

“Can I get you a glass of water?” Father King offers but James declines. 

“Thank you. Can you keep this quiet? Don’t want there to be rumours.” No way would Will kill himself. 

“Of course. As quiet as I can.” 

James nods. It’s not as if a body in the chancel isn’t fodder for the rumour mill already. 

“I’m driving. You can give me directions. Where is the Crevecoeur?” Robbie’s voice brooks no opposition. 

“A couple of miles off the road by Godstow and Wytham.” James remembers the building so well. His mother had worked as a housekeeper for the family, being able to live in, she’d saved money. James still had needed grants to go to University but Cambridge had welcomed him with open arms. After graduation, he’d been able to keep rowing even though Seminary should have meant hiding from the world and James had loved it. Will and Feardocha had never understood his desire to put an unseen God they didn’t believe in over people. 

It had been peaceful until he’d come online during the winning boat race. The rowing practice had been hard but so worth it. Throwing their cox into the Thames had been the best experience ever. 

The celebrations had been epic, Will, Feardocha and James had joined the team for a pub crawl. It had been James’s first but that was not something he’d ever admit. It would be the last. 

“Are you okay, lad?” Robbie’s question interrupts James’s musings.”

“Memories… Will had been at my first zone out. Feardocha talked me out of it.” James explains, memories swirling.

“Who was Feardocha?”

“Another friend. I grew up at Crevecoeur and Will brought Feardocha back from boarding school. I went locally.”

“And what happened?”

And only a few short years later, he’d lost their friendship. “Nothing.” 

Robbie lets him be but James can’t help thinking back. Feardocha and Will had challenged him over and over but James had been adamant, and cruel.

“Look, I don’t care. The church teaches...”

“I’m not a member of their church, I am their son!” Will had pointed out. “Why can’t they love me as I am? Why don’t you accept me as I am?”

James had been quiet. What could he have said? After all he’d been in denial about himself for years. Only falling in love with his Guide had stopped that but there is no way that James will say that out loud… ever.

*****  
Robbie is convinced that his Sentinel is not telling the whole truth but he doesn’t pry. Instead he concentrates on driving. 

He stops the car in a layby a couple of miles outside Godstow. “What do I need to know?” James’s wrist feels cold under his hand and Robbie wishes…, well, if wishes were horses, he’d be able to race the Grand National all on his own.

“Will McEwan, same age as me, only son of William and Maggie McEwan. Went to Eton and read Business Studies at Cambridge whilst I read religious studies. My mother was the housekeeper at Crevecoeur. She was fired just after I went to Cambridge.”

That could be a problem. 

“How was your relationship with them?”

“It was fine… until I left for seminary. I had a fight with Will ten years ago. I’ve got no idea what he told them.”

“I’ll do the talking then.” Robbie is worried about James’s fragility. His Sergeant is putting up a front again. 

 

******  
Will McEwan Senior stays stoic when Robbie breaks the news that his only son is dead. Maggie McEwan distracts herself by making tea.

“James, do you still take it white, no sugar?”

“No, thank you. It’s coffee now, lots of milk.” The milk cools the coffee and makes it less bitter, Robbie knows. “Milk in first, please.” 

Robbie wants to scowl at his Sentinel but anything to prevent another zone out. 

“I know this is hard, but what can you tell me about Will?”

That opens the flood gates. Will’s father tells them in between fighting back tears:

“He’s just come back from spending years in Brazil. Worked for a charity there. Zoe… oh dear, we need to tell Zoe. She’s going to be heartbroken.”

“Who is Zoe?” James asks as if he hasn’t heard that name before. Robbie files 

“Will’s girlfriend… he met her in Brazil.”

Robbie makes a note. “Do you know her surname?”

“Watson, Zoe Watson.” Mrs McEwan re-joins them with a tray and hands out the drinks. “She’s lovely. Gone to visit her parents, Will said.”

Only now do tears start running down her eyes and in no time at all she is sobbing against her husband’s shoulder. 

Robbie cuts the interview short and leaves his card as he ushers James back to the car. The drive to the station is silent as Robbie tries to put the pieces together. He doesn’t have a handle on the motive yet, the cursory search of Will’s room hadn’t given him anything. 

“I’m taking you home. You need to rest. I’ll check in with Innocent and come back to you.” Robbie makes the decision.

“Okay…” James doesn’t disagree and Robbie takes him to his flat. 

“I’ll be back soon.”

******  
James shivers as he climbs into bed. Robbie never came back and he feels out of sorts. Laura had popped by and checked in on him. James had lied and told her he was fine. 

Sleep escapes James but he pretends all is in order when Robbie collects him to start work the next morning. Coffee helps and they manage to find Zoe Watson. Gurpreet’s wizardry on such things amazes even James who is usually quite adept at them. 

“He’s dead? Really?” Zoe doesn’t burst into the expected tears which moves her high up James’s suspect list.

“Yes, I’m sorry. We told his parents yesterday.” 

“Of course, thank you, Sentinel.” 

James rocks back into the chair she has offered him. She’s a Guide and he hadn’t picked it up. Her hand is soft on his and for a moment James feels calmer.

“I’m sorry for the bad news. James, we need to leave. Miss Watson, please remain available.” Robbie’s all business as he turns to leave. He puts his phone in his pocket and James checks his own. There is nothing.

James wants to stay and reaches for one of his business cards. “If you remember anything that could help, please call me.”

Once outside her flat, James feels as if he can’t breathe. He leans forward, staring at the unmoving tarmac as he listens to Robbie. 

“James, we need to go to the rectory… Father King has been found dead.”

James nods and goes in autopilot once they arrive … shutting down his smell as they examine the body. Cause of death is very obvious, a knife through the heart. The knife has not been left but there is no exit wound as from a bullet.

“Why would they kill him? And is it linked to yesterday?” Robbie muses out loud and James tries to think but it’s difficult. 

Laura looks at James funny but doesn’t say anything. Instead she orders the crime scene investigation team to come in.

“Nothing else you can do.”

“James, you speak to the Bishop. I’m going back to the station. We need to find links.” 

Nodding, James acquiesces. 

*****  
Robbie misses James but splitting up makes sense as they tackle this case. They meet in the evening to compare notes before Robbie goes home. James claims that he can’t come over and Robbie gets the feeling that James wants some space. 

The case drags on and there doesn’t seem to be a motive or connection beyond a leaflet they found relating to group they can’t find. James is obsessed with finding Feardocha, his friend from university and Robbie can’t help him. 

“I’m sorry, the last record his him getting a passport eight years ago. Then he vanishes.” Gurpreet has tried hard to find a record.

“Come on lad, let’s go home. Dinner and a film. We’ll be luckier tomorrow.” Robbie offers. He knows he’s got a couple of pizzas in the freezer, so dinner should be sorted.

“I can’t, I’m… meeting someone… a Guide.” The words are spoken qu

Robbie should feel relief… this was only ever temporary. Instead there is a feeling of dread in his stomach. Taking a deep breath, Robbie nods his acquiescence. 

“Go, I’ll see you in the morning. I’m going over the paperwork again.” Robbie will need the distraction. 

“Of course.” James leaves and Robbie is lost. 

Robbie’s search is fruitless. The names Feardocha, Zoe, Will… all merge together. Gurpreet pins down a couple more time lines and it feels like an invasion in James’ privacy. Will left a few months before James left the Seminary. Flights to Brazil were booked in the names of Will McEwan and Feardocha Tanner. 

“Guv, that doesn’t make any sense. I’ve got flights back, but they changed the name from Feardocha Watson to Zoe Watson.”

“Can’t be the same person, can it?” Robbie’s brain is working overtime. There must be a link. 

“Feardocha was registered a Guide…” DCS Innocent’s voice makes Robbie jump. “Talking of which, where is your Sentinel?”

“He didn’t say.” And Robbie hadn’t asked. He’s not about to admit that he’s going to be replaced. He wonders what DCS Innocent is doing here but before he can ask, they get interrupted. 

“Sir, there is a fire reported at the address we have for Zoe Watson.” Gurpreet shouts out. 

Suddenly the puzzle pieces fit and the whole picture emerges. 

“JAMES!” Robbie reaches for his keys and runs. He has never abused blue lights, but tonight he is grateful that he can break the speed limit with impunity.

There are flames and smoke and mad woman standing in the door to a bedroom containing his Sentinel.

“He killed Will… he made me kill Will. I became Zoe and yet there was no life.” She rants and raves and Robbie wants to listen but all he knows is that if they don’t get out of here, they die.. 

Robbie has enough. He picks up the unconscious James and carries him out of the building. She follows them out. 

“He has no clue, I am life. Through fire, there will be life.” 

“And ambulance will be here any minute.” Jean Innocent informs Robbie. “You can debrief me later.”

Robbie holds his Sentinel, never noticing Zoe / Feardocha running into the fire and perishing as the building burns.

******  
Robbie’s back aches. The hospital chair is hard under his arse but there is no way he’s moving from it. Doctors and nurses have bustled around, taken bloods, given James oxygen and now he’s sleeping.

Robbie closes his own eyes, falling into troubled dreams. 

He’s in a wood, surrounded by tall dark trees. A small brook is running alongside him as he walks. Birds are singing. Robbie stops when he sees a badger being nuzzled by a deer. Frozen in place, Robbie stares, realisation dawning. In the distance a moose with crown of small white and purple flowers nods and steps away. It feels like a blessing. 

Robbie looks again at his spirit animal playing with James’s… happily ignoring everything around them. The deer is running and hopping, always coming back to the badger who is ambling almost sedentary along the brook. It should not have worked, but Robbie’s heart fills with joy at the sight. 

Suddenly they move off, running quickly alongside the small river, following the water flow. 

Robbie wants to follow but instead he wakes up. James is coughing and Robbie reaches out with his hand.

“You’re safe. I’m sorry, but you’re safe now.”

“Zoe… Feard...” James’s voice is scratchy.

“Yes, you can talk later. I’m sorry, I let you down.” Robbie can’t help but admit, knowing James might not get it.

“She, he, drugs.”

“Yes, she did.” Robbie moves from the chair, ignoring his hurting back and manages to lie down on the bed next to his Sentinel.

“Tried to kill me.”

“Yes, and I got you out, Sentinel.” Robbie kisses James gently on the cheek. “And when you are out of here… if you still want me… we close this bond.”

*****  
James has never fought so hard to get out of hospital as he has after his Guide’s gentle words which had been followed by their first kiss. The three days have crawled by despite visits by Laura and DCS Innocent. Robbie hadn’t left his side unless ordered by either the doctors or his DCS. James has never felt so cossetted and yet, there was still a hole in him that needed filling.

If his body wasn’t still aching from the injuries and breathing a chore, he’d be skipping out of here.

“Slowly, lad. We’ll get home soon enough.” Robbie admonishes him gently.

Home. That’s what James needs. 

“You’re my home.” 

“You still on the good drugs?” But there is no heat in the question and instead James is kissed on the cheek. James decides not to answer.

The drive is silent, James is concentrating on not hyperventilating as he tries to relax in the back seat. His dream is about to come true. They have talked about the bonding whilst James was in hospital.

“Did you mean that?” It had taken forty eight hours before James’s brain resembled something of a normal one.

“Yes, Sentinel.”

“We will need…” James had flushed and never finished the sentence.

“We will have.” Robbie hadn’t flushed which had let James wonder if his Sentinel has ever had sex with Morse.

“Did you ever?” James had asked. Honesty was 

“I’ve been married.” Evasive, as usual. 

“A man?”

“Never kiss and tell…” 

Jealousy had suffused James at the time. He would never escape their ghosts, would he?

“Hey, come back to me.” Robbie’s hand is quickly put on his wrist and stays there, calming James inexplicably.

“Sorry.”

“And you don’t have to be jealous. They gave their blessing.”

For a moment James wonders what Robbie means. Then he remembers the drug induced dream. “That wasn’t a dream? The moose?”

“No, and the flowers, Valerian.”

James starts to laugh. “Oh my God, really? You’re in the Newcastle United colours!”

“Yes, and you’re a fleet footed deer who should skip more.”

“NOBODY will ever find out about this conversation.” James bursts out.

“I promise, I won’t tell.” Laura giggles from the driver seat. “Though it’s about time.”

James wants to swear but thankfully they have arrived at Robbie’s flat. It doesn’t take long to transfer James and his bags into the small living room.

“Have a nice few days off. See you soon.” Laura grins as she closes the door behind her.

For a moment there is silence as the realisation of their new situation sinks in. Then James just steps closer to his Guide and within seconds is held tightly. After being held for what feels like an eternity, Robbie pulls away and James feels bereft.

“Come on, the bedroom will be more comfortable. I got a new bed.” 

James hadn’t known it, but the knowledge that this is not Robbie’s old marital bed, is something that he’d needed. He’d slept in it the few times he’d been allowed to stay over but knowing it had been shared by Val had been a damper on his libido like nothing else could have. 

“Nobody’s been in there. It was delivered yesterday.” 

And Robbie had spent the night with James at the hospital. James follows Robbie silently, trying to calm his mind, unsuccessfully. Once inside the bedroom, he stops a moment to take it in. The walls are a plain beige with wooden wardrobe and dark blue curtains. That is still the same. But the bed has a soft blue headboard but no foot board now. There are photos on a chest of drawers next to a TV, showing Robbie’s family. A new one has joined it. James recognises it as a press cutting from one of their cases. It shows them together.

James’s attention is drawn back to Robbie when his Guide steps closer to him and starts undressing, starting with the shirt. This is familiar and James copies the motion. The air is nice against his chest. Robbie continues, sitting down on the bed, pulling off shoes and socks. James sits down next to him and follows suit, making sure his socks are in the shoes.

Last they take their trousers off and then their pants. This is the first time James has seen Robbie naked and for a moment his brain short circuits. The gentle kiss bestowed on his lips breaks the dam and suddenly all he can to is touch and kiss back and claim.

“Lube…” Robbie’s voice cuts through the fog and James remembers what that means. He lets Robbie go to the bedside table but follows closely. He can’t resist letting his hands hold Robbie’s shoulders and stare at the arse. James’s cock rises and James is waiting for the usual feeling of shame.

“Wow, you’re beautiful.” Robbie’s turned around and looks at him. He’s holding a tube in his hand and James puts it on top of the night table. 

They sit down on the bed again and this time James starts kissing Robbie. He lets himself soak in the taste, sweet and succulent. The smell is intoxicating and he can explore Robbie’s body for the first time. Robbie’s hands stroke along James’s back, pulling him closer and soon they lie sideways on the bed. 

“I… I must.” James slides down the bed, slowly kissing down Robbie’s chest until he gets to his prize. Robbie’s cock is hard and wide. The first taste is orgasmic and James’s brain explodes in colour. Peace and order flood him and soon he can’t stop. He explores the globes below the hard flesh and even wanders further down. Robbie knows what he needs and twists to give him better access. The lube is cool and James uses as much as he can to prepare Robbie.

*****  
Robbie can’t believe he is letting James do this but the mouth on his cock is hot and arousing. Flashes of an exciting, busy mind connect with his own and soon he can’t wait to merge fully with his Sentinel.

James’s hands are busy and all Robbie can do is writhe and offer more. He wants it all, no regrets beyond having waited so long.

Leaning up, Robbie gets another kiss and soon thinking stops. It burns when James enters him and Robbie makes himself relax. The hand on his cock and the lips kissing him and the hot chest against his… all soothe and banish any lingering doubts. 

Time stands still when they come together and the bond snaps into place as if it had been waiting to do that.

“My Guide.”  
“My Sentinel.” My only Sentinel, my love, my… everything.

“You mean that?” James still seems to doubt him and Robbie doesn’t mind that he’s obviously said that out loud.

“Yes … I’m sorry I made you wait.”

“Worth it.” James’s words are muffled against Robbie’s chest. “I love you too.”

Do happy ever afters exist? Robbie isn’t sure but the fact that he’s got the chance at a second one is good enough for him. 

******  
Detective Sergeant James Hathaway had volunteered to collect Detective Inspector Robert Lewis from Heathrow Airport. His Guide has spent the weekend with his daughter and son to break the news of the bond and James had decided he wasn’t suited for the evil stepmother role.

The airport is noisy, at 7 o’clock in the evening. In the arrivals area, people are hugging and running towards each other. James is holding up his old sign labelled ‘Lewis’. The electronic arrivals board indicates that the flight landed half an hour ago and allowing for baggage collection, James thinks Robbie must be coming through soon. He is proved right when a man in his fifties, dressed in a colourful Hawaiian shirt walks in, pushing a trolley covered in suitcases. 

“Lyn, Mark, Thomas, this is James.” 

Suddenly James is surrounded by family hugging and welcoming him.

“They wanted to come, I couldn’t stop them. And well, wanted to show you off.” The last is whispered in James’s ear. 

James smiles. Life is complete. 

Fin


End file.
